Darling, it's YOU!

"I thought I would save myself from further damage, 

I thought I would get through this, 

I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel. 

But, I was wrong. Wrong in thinking and underestimating the impact it had on me, 

wrong in assuming that things couldn't get worse, wrong in trusting and forgiving repeatedly, 

wrong in being kinder to others than to myself. 

I saw it coming, with my own, bare eyes."

What you do when you find yourself stuck in too many emotions, and far too much chaos? what you actually do to feel the ground under your feet, to not hate yourself in the moment, to not feel overwhelmed and ready to give up?

Distract yourselves, isn't it? 

"Let us talk about it later! Let me get some air, it's too much! Let's go out, let's cheer ourselves?!" We think feeling the chaos will kill us, letting the sadness pass through us would be burdensome, that cry for help will make us look weak or pitiful. 

Hey, wait.

That 'later' will never knock your door, that 'fresh air' you're looking for, will suffocate you; and that 'place' you're relying on for your peace, will turn into emptiness. 

We all had our share of chaos, sadness and burdens too difficult to carry. We all held ourselves close, often too tight that we lost a bit of us with every encounter, with every trauma and with every sob. 

What you're going to read is a story of one such lesson- 

That unfounded fear in me, caught me off-guard

What if the end is near, can I keep it apart?

what if I am grieving all alone,

what if the love had its' depart?

That guilt, that anguish, that pain was painted

that bait was alluring, that love was tainted?

or may be it was, just a thought,

that it was a fondness oh so vaunted.

I struggled to fill the emptiness within,

felt the numbness peirced deep in my skin

but oh that voice I stumbled upon,

I knew that tone, that sweetness akin.

It's calling my name but from afar

I'm lunging at the dawn, ensuing the star

the ferment in me keeping me awake,

I longed for the spring that gave me the scar. 

Sometimes it's cold else it's mellow

steering me to places, but I hardly follow

restricted in the senses, doomed in the fate,

girdled in conundrums of pain and sorrow.

But I dream of it and I see the lies,

unless one day, my restlessness dies

the enervation in me began to fall,

my heart was laden with laughter and cries.

My soul was burdened with undue clutter,

biased remarks and hesitant mutter

what caused the ferment was the fog in my view

and the agony, made me stutter.

Oh lord! I coaxed, I cried to the divine,

wrapped in the sadness, I begged for a sign

grant me the wisdom, a steer to my soul

in the ocean so cold, so bleak and brine.

I need an abode in your placid sea

an ark of hope and an oar of glee

away from the muddle, far from the greed

calm and closer, I want to be.

Evident was that voice, that melody I knew

a fable I was humming, familiar but new.

That tone was singing an answer I seek

Who can ease this misery?

Darling! It's you.

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