If I have ME

 "Pure and pious wisdom, is that which one possesses when one knows when to go to a certain point and when to return; what should and should not be done; what fear is and what courage is; and who recognizes the difference between bondage to this world and freedom from it."

~ श्रीमद्भगवद्गीता

Life is full of bondages we create for ourselves, the bondage of love, hate, and anger, of ego, and often of fear. Fear is a feeling of danger or anticipated loss which can be real or imaginary. One of the most unpleasant and powerful feelings one can experience. Potent enough to make one feel vulnerable, broken, and even empty. 

One such fear is the fear to fall in love and even more dreadful is the fear of losing that charm, that light without which our world looks dark and gloomy. It makes us question the truth of every relation with pretense, doubt the ones we loved the most, and a day-night struggle to sustain or quit. It's easy to manifest the fear than the courage to let go of it.

The journey is tough because it challenges us to first understand our inner-selves, who we are, and what we ought to become. What's next?

If you are willing to join me on this jaunt, read on.

I looked upon him with teary eyes, 

My heart was heavy battling truth and lies.

I tried and muzzled the fear in my chest, 

Consuming my thoughts, I found no rest.

I bickered all night, what's wrong what's right. 

Losing all battles, for all fought in fright. 

My voice trembled, my fingers fell pale

I ought to give choices, for I refused to fail.

Why I knew, it's you, How your passion fed me?

Like the aura of winter flowers, swayed me, touched me. 

The colors at odds, amuse me no more; 

The euphony of your tone enchanted me like lore

Often I held you on the frills of my dream

I chose you in fervor, cherished in esteem.

My dreams have no bounds, I left no doubts

I crossed that bridge, shedding all clouts

I searched for you, in the fields unknown

With the armor of your love, I scuffled all alone.

I hoped you'll save me from this turmoil

You will nourish my soul that the world may foil.

My beliefs are watered with your valor

With you, I'm rich, free of filth and squalor.

You brought back the love the strength in me

Released me of madness, my verve set spree.

When everything was pure, in peace my love,

You ran over my castles, gave my hopes a shove.

I remember those words, those promises by you

I can picture your frowns, the moods you pursue.

Your qualms are killing the ardor I breathe

The love we share, the passion bequeath.

The fear you're feeding will slay us both,

Inhibit the ecstasy cripples the growth. 

I asked you to thrive in the realms of love

To have faith in the divine is more than enough.

The courage I found is all within you

Emanating the trust, breathing passion anew.

You hold on to me I hold on to you,

We will cherish this forever, never bidding adieu.

Think of me like I think of you,

There's love in red, no hints of blue. 

I failed again, I cried louder this time

Not him, not me; I inquired the divine.

The emotions in me ran through the spine,

"Take everything I have, give me what's mine"

He smiled at my bewilderment,

"what's yours is not yours, what's mine not defined."

I asked again, "But I love him O lord!"

"But do you love me?" He asked and I nod.

The truth flashed, like thunder on the tree

My doubts vanished, my soul set free.

What I was searching in bones and skin

That love abounds when found within.

I was foolish to question the power supreme,

I was blinded by sins, the noises extreme.

He tested my grit in ways I never knew,

He was my light, the pearls of dew.

Now, when I found him in glistening snow,

I will nourish him with love will let him glow.

My pleasures are my own, my sorrow my glee

He's all around as far I foresee

So when in doubt I acknowledge not flee

I can have him forever 

if I have me.

****